What's Wrong With the San Jose Sharks?

What the fuck is wrong with the Sharks? Seriously, they're barely holding onto a playoff position right now. The Dallas Stars are leading the Pacific Division right now. THE FUCKING DALLAS STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know! In all honesty the Sharks haven't exactly been a force this season. The whole year has been very up and down for them. So what's wrong? I have my theories.





Slappy has secretly murdered the actual Sharks and replaced them with look-a-likes
This theory is completely possible. I mean he already killed Dany Heatley and replaced him with the person I like to call "Fake Dany Heatley". 

Actual Dany Heatley shown above.

Look at that goofy kid who was good at hockey.

Clearly this is a poorly constructed clone. I mean look they can't even get the eyes right. Damn you Slappy.

Look at that evil son of a bitch.

He lures you in with his promise of sexual favors, then he slits your throat.

Slappy drinks to forget what a crazed mass murderer he is. It doesn't help, it only increases his thirst for blood.

The Sharks are having a little too much fun off the ice
This is a common problem among pro athletes. I mean lots of money and fame equals chicks who will blow you, so it's understandable these guys would be a little distracted.

Douglas Murray will break these bitches.

Cool story Jason.

So drunk he can't even be bothered to open his eyes. PS nice vest.

Nice shirt. Jason Demers is a snappy dresser.

Nice team bonding exercise.

Stop taking photos of yourself on the beach and start playing hockey!

Sexy.

Word to the wise Daniel there's a reason Paul Bissonnette is a healthy scratch most nights.

It's totally party time brah!

 
Break-ups are hard. 

Very Sad. Their love was so true and pure.

It's OK San Jose you'll probably still make the playoffs and we all know you have such success.....

O yea.

HAHAHAHAHA

Look on the plus side Sharks are still kinda scary right? 

I'm sure this is many bay area ladies claim to fame.

Candy gram?

At least give the laser beams a try. I mean nothing else had worked yet.

Yes Jason Demers does have a drinking problem.

I'd be into seeing Douglas Murray wearing that. Maybe that's just me though.

Ummm....OK you know what maybe just start bombing now for a high draft pick.